**Author’s Note: As someone who loves to write, one of my favorite quotes has always been, and will continue to be:
“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.”
It took a lot of thought to finally sit down and write this specific blog post. But, I’ve decided should it help even just one guy see an ounce of light into a girl’s mind, or one girl to see she’s not alone, whatever her situation, then it’s worth it.**
Recently a good friend was encouraging me to write an article on why not to date a “frat boy” since there have been so many articles lately relating to “reasons to date a sorority girl”. I swear, it has nothing to do with our own bad experiences of dating frat boys — maybe.
While I’ve decided against writing this particular article, due to the fact that I don’t wish to put myself on the same, small-minded level as those writing articles about who and whom not to date, I would like to touch on the different kinds of guys I personally came across in college, and why it didn’t work.
The Nice Guy.
I’m not one of those girls who “let the good guy get away” or “didn’t know what she had when it was in front of her.” No. I knew the good guy was the good guy. I knew every word that left his mouth was the truth and that I never had to second guess anything he said or did, ever. It’s not because I was too blind to see – trust me, I saw. I desperately wanted to make it work. The problem is, I’ve always been fiercely independent, and while having a guy who is willing to do just about anything for you can seem nice, it just wasn’t in my case. Completely, totally, and utterly one of those, “it’s not you, it’s me” situations. It’s not because “there was no chase” or because I wanted something more unpredictable. The real problem was that the nice guy, knows he’s a nice guy, and he’s ready for you to be his nice girl. They want to settle, and while I’m not going out looking to dance on tables until it’s time to leave with the first guy I see, I’m also not ready to dedicate my life to someone when I’m still trying to figure out my own.
One thing I’d want the good guy to know: You did everything right, and while I might not have been the girl for you, someone is and you deserve her when you find her.
It was comfortable. You spend so much time with someone and create such a good friendship without the pressure of a relationship, it’s easy to start to see them as something more. And while for some people, it occasionally works, for the most part, it doesn’t. Because even though I could see myself being more than friends with him, I hit a wall every time, because we really were just friends. Settling for comfort is a mistake, and you usually just end up hurting each other.
One thing I’d want the friend to know: I’m glad you ended up with the girl you really should be with.
The Frat Boy.
If you’re a college girl, you will, or already have, fallen for the frat boy. It’s inevitable, don’t ask me why. My frat boy experience was different than others, however, because the frat boy turned out to be the love of my life. Well, maybe not my life, but at the time, that’s what it felt like. Three years. Three years of hell, happiness, torture, laughing, jealousy, denial, cheating, lying, loving, family, and just about whatever else you’d like to throw into the mix. We went through it all, and I don’t just mean typical couple stuff, I mean we literally went to hell and back – a few times. He hurt me, he altered my view of others, I lost my trust in him, I gained it back in people who cared for me more than he ever could. It took me too long to see that it was all wrong, even though it may have felt so right. But, if I could go back and change it, leave sooner, walk away after I met him that first night in that dark basement and never look back, I wouldn’t. Because the frat boy, who turned out to be much more than just that – good and bad – is the reason I can stand up and write so freely today. I lost my voice, my confidence, and myself in him, and me, myself and I got to pick up all the pieces. And the reason it didn’t work was simply because it wasn’t supposed to. Every girl needs to go through this, wether it’s for three days or three years, to know that she doesn’t have to settle for anything, ever.
One thing I would tell the frat boy: I forgive you, and I hope you can learn to love someone like I used to imagine you loved me.
The Unattainable One.
I’ll start off with why it didn’t work: Because when I wanted more, he didn’t. And when he wanted more, I didn’t. It’s almost like the chase was too fun to give up and we knew it wouldn’t really work in the end regardless, so it was more fun to play the games than to let the other win. It’s not because he wasn’t a good guy, or because I didn’t like him, but in college, as long as you’re not hurting anyone else, sometimes it’s okay to have fun with someone. Go out on dates with them and dance at the bar without forcing a label on it. You’ll know these people when you meet them, because you’re not hurt when it’s over. We knew when to call it quits without getting too involved, and that was okay.
One thing I would tell the unattainable boy: I hope you continue to never take life to seriously, even when you do settle down with someone.
I’ll let your assumptions run wild with this one, readers. From my laptop to yours, goodnight,